Bronx, NY (GlossyNews) — The world side recession surprisingly ended abruptly today after the CEO’s, Investors and Economists responsible for causing the downturn by bilking investors, gouging company finances and lying to the public were taken out and shot.
Borrowing from the Red Chinese way of shooting economic criminals, the alleged ‘Captains of Society’ were lined up against a wall and mowed down. Out of sheer meanness they were not offered blindfolds. Also, utilizing another Red Chinese policy, the family of the shot had to pay for the bullets used.
Immediately after word of the shooting got out stock markets around the world soared and stayed up. Companies immediately started rehiring. It appears that when the factors manipulating the economy were removed it adjusted itself on its own accord. Governments around the world have decided to no longer let economists run currency situations and have shipped them all out to hog farms to shovel manure, something much more useful and productive than their former occupations. CEO’s in many lands must now accept wages equal to that of the normal workers and lick shine the workers boots at the end of each shift as they leave, especially the ones working on hog farms.
In a separate incident guns were given to all the people ripped off by Bernie Madoff and they were allowed to execute him. There wasn’t enough left of him at the end to bother burying.