COLUMBUS, OH—On Tuesday, stunned witnesses reported seeing a man picking up a cheeseburger wrapper and placing it in the trash after he had attempted to toss it into a nearby receptacle and missed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so admirable,” said one witness as his voice shook with emotion.
“I mean, to try to toss it in the garbage in the first place is one thing… but to pick it back up and actually give a [concern]?” he continued, still reeling from the event.
RIGHT: Sources allege that the trash receptacle from the actual event is very similar to the one pictured here. Photo by Matthew Stones via Flickr. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Those who witnessed the laudable act described the hero, Phil Wakefield, as appearing to be just an ordinary citizen.
“How wrong we were,” claimed one witness as others nodded their heads in agreement.
“He… he just…” said a visibly emotional woman at the scene who subsequently had to excuse herself.
Sources confirmed that Wakefield is no newcomer to such acts of gallantry.
“I’ve seen him even hold a door open for a pregnant woman with cataracts who was carrying a bunch of grocery bags. It was unreal,” reported a close friend of Wakefield’s.
“This is certainly an anomaly,” reported noted sociologist Robert Schill. “This individual displays a type of behavior that is often viewed as strange in our modern world. This is basically what we call a ‘freak’ in the sociology community,” Schill observed.
At press time, witnesses reported spotting Wakefield waiting behind someone in traffic who sat at a green light for two full seconds before moving forward, during which time Wakefield never once blasted his horn.
Upon this inspiring sight, the witnesses slowly joined hands and began singing together in perfect harmony.