Awkward Boyfriends; Equivalent to knock off Coach Bags

From my daily observations I’ve notice that when young women have recently picked up new boyfriends, and they go to house parties, where there are other young women, they always hold on tightly to their boyfriends as if they are clutching on to a Coach bag, trembling from anxiety around other young women who look to them like stick up kids carrying automatic rifles with silencers on their barrels.

These young women who have young boyfriends will die before they give up their newly found purchases. It doesn’t matter if they discovered their boyfriends on the street corner laying on a raggedy blanket or if they ordered their men from Amazon with overnight shipping on a discount or if they met these guys at a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon.

Young women who have these boyfriends act as if they have discovered a soulful jazz musician, a first round pick basketball player, or a world famous standup comic who sells out arenas.

They believe that these young men are not problematic. However these men are their heavy black suitcases full of perfunctory characteristics dripping with malignant traits. When these confused women grab a hold of their young boyfriends they seize their arms like the tattered corner of a security blanket that they excavated from a pile of shambled clothing at the local Goodwill store.

And the other young women , the single independent predators who reside at these house parties roll their eyes at the confused women who pull on the hands of their awkward looking men and they put their hands over their mouths to stifle their roaring laughter that shakes the walls of their chest.

They would rather eat doggy chow then commit a grand larceny of unattractive boyfriends. They would rather sleep on a bed of rusty hypodermic needles then lay a single finger on these ugly human beings that other women call their beloved boyfriends. They would rather cock the hammer back on a Glock, shove the barrel down their throat, and pull the trigger back, blasting their brains to millions of fragmented chunks of bloody residue then even giving a moment of time to consider thinking of these wacky, disgusting men who lack grace, who lack a spine, who lack a soul.

It’s incredible how these young, confused women show off these young, awkward boyfriends like portable accolades that have tarnished from neglect and overuse.They show off their young, awkward boyfriends like newborn babies swathed in lavender colored pajamas, rolling them around in cranky strollers with upturned wheels.

And they show off their young, awkward boyfriends like golden trophies won from club softball leagues during their childhood days back when they were obtuse, and ugly, forlorn from talking way too much about nothing significant, their words superfluous from watching a copious amount of reality television. Their men are coach bags made from the hands of little Asian girls at the sweat-stained tables of factories overseas in places such as China, France, and Morocco.