London – (SatireWorld.com)
Moogoto Obottu says he doesn’t miss Uganda any longer, especially the daily threats of violence and a life filled with occasional chaos. Today, Obuttu gets up every morning and drives his new S-series Mercedes Benz to his custodial job at the Entomology Center at Norwich Pharmaceuitical Company in NW London, where he cleans laboratories and keeps the floors highly waxed.
PHOTO INSERT: Recent British immigrant Brilli Padsahwah said he was pleased British Customs allowed him to bring his personal ant farm collection into the country. “I have gotten so attached to those little buggers!”
So…How does a lowly custodian dress well, live in an luxury appartment, and afford to drive a six-figured automobile? Well, Obottu is also a first-class entrepreneur who caters to the thriving sexual tastes of millions of other third-world expatriates living in and around London. He does this by taking home some of his work…Namely bugs!
The Entomology Center raises billions of insects for medical research and Obottu just helps himself, taking some of the bugs home to help others have sexual pleasure in the form of Formicophilia.
The definition of Formicophilia is the form of deriving sexual pleasure from insects crawling on the body, specifically on the genital area. It is more common in third-world countries, primarily because most thatched-roof homes are floorless and infested with all sizes and types of insects.
These squalid living conditions will eventually lead to an individual enjoying his or hers genitals being exposed to crawling insects. Since most third-worlder’s have outdoor bathrooms, as many developing countries do, and since this often happens at a young age when they are sexually developing, they eventually derive pleasure from it.
Obottu has found a niche market where his collection of centipedes and tiny black spiders bring top prices from those seeking some ‘back-home’ pleasures.
Native Londoners have taken a fancy to the once-forbidden fetish and have formed popular clubs of their own with dubious sounding names, like Claire’s Centipedes, Cockroach Thrills, Crotch Crickets, and Martin Shuttlecock’s Hairy Spider Club.
Even the royal family has had instances of formicophilia in its past, and indeed up to the present, when Queen Elizabeth II recently remarked that her husband Phillip has had a ‘bug up his ass’ since early 1973.
That’s a scary looking dude. I do not like.