Multiple stores across the nation are just now reporting a significant increase in stolen condoms the week before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment on the increase in theft, one store owner had this to say:
“I understand the motivation, but I’m not sure the people stealing these condoms completely understand Valentine’s Day. Is it supposed to be romantic. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex with a stolen condom.”
Many stores have stated that they are already planning increased security measures next year for the week before Valentine’s Day. Some stores have said that due to other thefts around the holiday, they will keep the security measures in place for a couple weeks after as well.
“It’s the weirdest thing. One week you have all these condoms being stolen, and then the next you have a bunch of pregnancy tests being stolen. It’s like the people that can’t afford the condoms don’t know how to use them.”
Store owners across the country are keeping an eye on newborn baby items this November. “Call us crazy, but we’re starting to see a pattern here.”