Country Kills Thousands to Steal Oil then Chokes on its Own

Norfolk, VA (GlossyNews) — FUTURE NEWS – Legend has it that a country called the United States, once described as a modern day Atlantis, was just wrapping up an horrific incident where it killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people to steal their oil, when it choked to death on its own oil reserves that spewed uncontrollably from the ground.

In 2003, an aggressive War Lord with the mentality of a spoiled out of control alcoholic, who had little intelligence or sense of history, robbed the enormous coffers of the wealthiest country on Earth. He then used the spoils to overcompensate for his failure to find oil in his youth and appease his wealthy father. The War Lord paid honest young men, with other people’s money, to go to a foreign country thousands of miles away and burn women, children and even dogs and chickens to death with terrible chemicals and mutilating bombs. In some cases, these young men known as soldiers to some, murderers to others, shot or ran over children running from their homes with their bodies in flames. This was done under direct orders from the War Lord and his henchmen. Then, the soldiers executed the sons of the country’s leader and then hung the President of the country by the neck until he was dead. The reason was given this President had committed war crimes and killed innocent people. But even his war crimes paled in comparison to the terrible things the War Lord of the modern day Atlantis did to secure the foreign country’s oil reserves thought to be the second largest on the earth.

Meanwhile, in the War Lord’s own country, the big oil corporations were living it up. They were not only given a run on the valuable oil leases that belonged to all honest citizens in Atlantis, they now had access to the oil reserves of the invaded country. They ignored safety procedures and even partied late into the night with the very people from the War Lord’s government who were supposed to be enforcing laws to protect the environment.

Finally, in 2010, this modern day Atlantis- this shining beacon on the hill admired by the world until the year 2003- began to wrap up its campaign of pillage, robbery and murder in the foreign country. The oil reserves of the foreign country were now stolen and relatively secure. Then suddenly, POP! A wellhead in the water off the shores of Atlantis, that was improperly secured under the watch of the remains of the corrupt War Lord’s administration, exploded and drowned the entire southern half of the country in the awful brown goop called crude oil. The people of Atlantis did nothing but watch and complain. No one went to jail and no one was executed for previous war or environmental crimes. There was no action taken against the previous War Lord or anyone that followed in his footsteps. The shining beacon on the hill began to slowly sink into a primordial ooze of billion year old crap.

But all was not lost! Someone eventually put enough high fructose corn syrup into the oil until it was palatable and could be funneled into the food supply of Atlantis. This made everybody fat and happy again and got the oil companies off the hook. Atlantis survived for another 85 years until the last of the bees died and super weeds pollinated by wind took over the planet. End of story.