Houston, TX – (SatireWorld.com)
NASA Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, which addresses the recent Hubble telescope discovery of human remains spotted on the surface of the Earth’s moon.
The desiccated figure, reportedly dressed in what appears to be a cotton house dress, was discovered last March by the powerful Hubble space telescope during a routine scan of the lunar surface.
PHOTO INSERT: Alice (center) shows her displeasure over her bus driver husband’s lost life savings in a Central Park gold mine investment. It was shortly before her disappearance. According to NASA records, the then fledgling space agency contacted Kramden in 1957 asking for his advice on putting a 'human into orbit.' Kramden declined to elaborate when interviewed.
First reports claimed the body was that of a middle-aged female. A routine inquiry with the Russian Federation’s space program chairman showed that their space program had all male cosmonauts accounted for and the female body wasn’t any of their members.
The exact location is still secret but it is known to be in Mons Delphi region that is considered the most rugged and mountainous. From high definition video taken by the Hubble, scientists have pieced together the identity of the frozen and desiccated female remains which appeared to be dressed in a cheap house dress, an apron, and wearing pink curlers in her hair.
Major Robert Broward commented on the grisly discover, “We have determined from our high definition photos and using advanced facial recognition analysis programs, that the remains on the moon are those of a 1950s television sit-com ‘The Honeymooners’ star named Alice Kramden.”
Kramden, the housewife of bus driver Ralph Kramden, was last seen with Trixie Norton in her Benson Hurst apartment in Brooklyn, New York, in the spring of 1959.
Due to the threats of physical abuse and often repeated phrase of ‘to the moon Alice’ by her husband Ralph while he shook his fist in her face, prompted an investigation by NYPD.
NYPD detective Morry Steinblatz recalled, “There were many instances of Ralph threatening her, I guess one time he actually hit her and really sent her to the moon!”
Friends speculated that Alice might have been fooling around with Norton, Trixie’s city employed sewer expert husband. Norton and wife Trixie are also shown in the inserted vintage photograph.
Retired Transit Authority bus driver Ralph Kramden, now 89 and living in Florida, has denied hitting his wife and said she disappeared one evening in 1959 when she went to the store for some rye bread and balogna. He figured she met some friends and was just having a beer or two. He ended the interview with an odd vocalization when he said…”Hardee Har Har!”
NASA has considered a posthumous memorial dedicated to Kramden since she beat the first women in space by three years.
Bang! Zoom.