Cupertino, Ca (GlossyNews) — In what seemed to be a case of apparent carelessness on the part of an alleged Apple employee a next generation iPad was reported lost — eventually found — in a parking lot.
A leading technology Weblog about consumer electronics reportedly bought the next iPad from a piss drunk seventeen year old high school kid sobering up before he could drive himself home.
“I was wasted big time and my friend Jeff had taken a taxi after he could not find me either in the men’s room or the Patio. So he left to report to the local Sheriff’s deputy thinking, in a state of intoxication, that I had been abducted by aliens,” said Phil Doherty — the piss drunk seventeen year old high school junior.
“Then, shit! As i picked myself up to pee on the nearest tree this black shiny thing caught my eye and I immediately realized I was standing in the presence of an Apple product,” added Phil.
Lost and found expert Sheriff Jorge Santori admitted there was a possibility of Phil’s statement containing a number of truths and half-truths especially given Phil’s ‘piss drunk state’ and wondered how a hot item like this, missing from the legendary vaulted, tight lipped trade secret apparatus, which is Apple Security, could turn up in a parking lot.
“We are talking about major Men In Black security here. Those [Apple] guys don’t just zap the memory of their expensive product inventory you own but they also make a McZombie out of you,” added the Sheriff.
Apple lawyers meanwhile denied the item existed, demanded their device back. They consequently applied for a gag order preventing any further mentioning, discussion or talk of their next big thing by regular Americans and any other ‘unauthorized parties’ until after Steve Jobs unveils it officially some time in the near future turtle neck style with black screens and all.
This did not prevent consumer gadgets conspiracy theorists from suspecting this was the ‘iPad with wings’ they’ve been theorizing about after all there could only be one way it could have got out of the lab, through, maybe, an air conditioning duct under repair and land on the ground in one piece in a not so near parking lot.
“Or worse still a window momentarily left open which i must say is very irresponsible of the engineer involved” said Adratos Makropoulos, an authority tech naysayer in the Bay area in a shortwave radio interview on WKNDY.
Efforts to reach the Apple CEO Steve Jobs hit a brick wall.
An irritated Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer responded “iPad, iPod, iSlut, iShit I don’t really care,” when we asked for his opinion on the matter.