INDIANAPOLIS – Despite international concern over CO2 emissions and rising global temperatures, people from all across Indiana are discovering that global warming is, for better or worse, producing some really fucking awesome weather right now.
Fears over increasing sea-levels, ferocious natural disasters and far-reaching droughts were cast aside this afternoon as Hoosiers enjoyed a comfortable 62 degrees – unseasonably high for early January.
“I’m absolutely loving all this fucking beautiful sunshine,” said Indianapolis resident Grant Hoburn. “Normally at this time of year I’d be up to my knees in shitty ass snow, but now it’s getting to where I can go outside in a t-shirt; a fucking t-shirt! If this is that thing they call climate change, I honestly don’t see the big fucking deal.”
The mere notion that an evolving climate might one day precede the largest food shortage in human history, devastate the African continent and cause unimaginable natural carnage across the globe was duly forgotten by the hundreds of people casually walking dogs in White River State Park this afternoon.
“I just cannot fucking believe it,” smiled 24-year-old Michaela Dennison, seemingly displaying no interest in the debate over whether global warming is natural or man-made. “Here we are in winter and it’s fucking gorgeous outside. It’s just totally awesome.”
Meanwhile, though most Hoosiers are embracing the fucking marvelous weather for what it is, climate analysts believe that come July most people will find temperatures of 109 degrees utterly intolerable.