Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The United States Supreme Court has declared that faceless corporations, now considered full citizens with all the rights of free speech and whatnot, can now openly carry their weapon of choice in public. During the hearing, a passionate argument was made against the inevitable ruling by a rag-tag liberal lawyer, Ernie Schliemann. In his argument, Schliemann attempted to make the case the U.S. Government, if infected by ultra right wing elements, might become a gun-carrying proxy for the military-industrial complex, leading to a fascist state in which the corporations control the government at the expense of individual rights.

Schliemann’s argument was roundly declared specious by all members of the court, except Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, after Justice Samuel Alito was seen shaking his head and mouthing the words, “not true,” during Schliemann’s presentation.

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