13 More Reasons I’m Glad FlashForward was Cancelled

I’ve been given ample amounts of grief for my review and assessment that FlashForward being cancelled was a good thing, and so I’ve gone to the library to get the full DVD goodness… having watched it again, I’m still as glad that it’s been cancelled as I am that I didn’t pay to see it, and here are five more reasons as to why.

If you’re looking for the first five reasons it’s a good thing this show was cancelled, look to this review for all the details.

So how about another million reasons why it’s a good thing that this terrible excuse for a tv show was cancelled? I’ve re-watched the entirety of it, and here’s my assessment… and by the way, I feel much stupider for having watched it again. You people are literally draining brain power away from me, and I’ll never get this capacity back.

1 – Social Media is Absent – Where is Twitter and Facebook in all of this? Surely word of the event would have lit up, nay, even crashed the servers of Twitter and Facebook. Even CNN’s site crashed in the wake of 9/11, and they didn’t have the crushing burdon of re-tweeting on their hands. There is zero mention of social media, and that’s not because it doesn’t exist, it’s because the authors were too short-sighted to realize that it had already been a thing for a good long while before they even tried to whip up their farce. Don’t believe me? Read this article about Reddit following the Colorado shootings.

2 – Lack of Human Element
Where’s the hysteria? Where’s the rampage? Where’s the looting and general soullessness that comes with a coming apocalypse? Absent, that’s where. With a pending event like this, there would be a major, massive element that wants nothing more than to tear up the world.

You’ve got those with no FlashForward to speak of, they would have no fear of reprisal, and those with rosey flashes forward, they would also lack any fear of reprisal… all of whom would rape, plunder and pillage without regard, ostensibly knowing their fate.

3 – Every FlashForward is Uncharactaristic
This one is a real sticking point. Everybody does things that they wouldn’t normally do. It’s not like they didn’t know they were going to be in such situations. They knew they were going to be exactly there, exactly then, so why would they touch the hot exhaust pipe.

Why would the assassins choose to break in at that exact moment? Are they insane or just a cheap plot device? My obvious guess is the latter.

For that matter, why would they choose to do their big crime at that exact moment of that day? To answer the question of who would do this, the answer is nobody. It’s absurd. It’s too much to expect an educated viewership to follow. If you followed it, well, if the shoe fits…

4 – No Likeable Characters
Seriously, none. Who am I supposed to root for? The Australian? The British guy? The slutty nanny? I just can’t be bothered to root for anybody, not even the guy from Harold and Kumar.

5 – The Whole Thing Would Create a Loop
If everyone knew what was coming, and it couldn’t much be avoided, then it would create a loop. Everyone would be looking at themselves looking at themselves, watching themselves, taking a peek at themselves… see how recursive it becomes?

If you know when the future window is coming, you’d be waiting for it and watching it, waiting for it to happen… as you watch it… happen… Do you see how the loop perpetuates?

6 – Charlie Took Her Teddy Bear to School
No she didn’t. Kids aren’t allowed to, any parent will tell you that. If it comes to school, it gets stuffed in the backpack until school ends.

7 – The Special Effects Were Cheesy
This are certainly above those seen on any SciFi original film, but only just barely. They didn’t rise even to the level of Lost, which was frankly a benchmark for TV special effects.

8 – No Side-Boob
Every good cut-rate scifi comedy should have sideboob. This one had none. No sideboob, no good, no dice.

9 – Americans Sound Gruff
Is that really what Americans sound like to non-Americans? Really? They bark and growl and mutter and they sound like no Americans I’ve ever known.

10 – Random Kangaroos
Tide comes in, tide goes out, you can’t explain that… just kangaroos.

11 – All the Doubt, None of the Faith
Everyone had visions, but nobody puts any faith in them… wouldn’t the masses just be clamoring for something to believe in, rather than doubt?

12 – Everyone’s Shocked it’s April 29th
Even Seth MacFarlane seems taken aback when the agent announces that he didn’t dream back, but dreamt forward… but wait, didn’t every human being alive experience the same damn thing?

Jesus, am I really going through all this pain again? I’m watching every last episode again. I’m watching more of it than you “fans” are, and it’s killing me. It’s more painful the second time than the first.

Do I really have to keep doing this?

13 – Wouldn’t the Bad Guys See it Coming?
They control everything anyhow, how could anything be left to chance? Why would they set anything during the critical window of vision? Why wouldn’t everything be set in motion exactly to plan by those who control the FlashForward?

The show is cancelled. It’s a good thing. You need to just get over it.

And if you have any feelings on this matter, any at all, I trust you’ll leave them in the comments below… otherwise, I must be right.