Obamacare Didn’t Falter, but was Crashed by Attacks; DDOS & GOP

As sure as the moneyed-interests opposed Obama to the tune of nearly a billion dollars in 2012, the same interests have come back to crash the ACA (Obamacare) on two fronts, and they’ve done a masterful job of it.

The healthcare signup site, designed only to direct the masses to individual state-run websites, has been crashed by only a few thousand “legitimate” customers… how does that happen? You almost might wonder if there’s a conspiracy here.

Don’t worry, there is, and it operates in plain sight.

The same people steadfastly dedicated to plunging untold treasure into the defeat of Obama and the repeal of Obamacare have taken two new tacks.

First, they’re going through the backdoor (despite what their religion says about doing exactly that,) to choke out and denigrate the entire process, for pleasure.

Back door? Choke? Denigrate? Pleasure? Clearly these are conservative operatives, since only they have spare cash and influence to dedicate to hiring others to do their ugliest of deeds.

Second, they’re attacking from all fronts across the political and pundit spectrum with senators like they the inimitably awful Ted Cruz and every news channel from FOX to FOXNews to Fox Business News to Fox-13, your local news leader for sports, weather, and local interest stories about how a retiree was unaware she was gambling with real money.

The biggest problem was that the federal site was designed to be a mere portal to state websites, but with about half the nation’s states defaulting to the federal marketplace, the system has been completely swamped.

“They knew the site would have millions of visitors,” Said Mr. Jacobsen, a data analyst in Virginia. “It’s not that the pipeline is too narrow, clearly someone [or some organization] orchestrated an attack to bring it to a halt.”

That organization is far from Anonymous, it’s the GOP Governed states in the union, hell bent on making damn sure the system fails, and succeeding quite masterfully. They demanded state’s rights, but still defaulted back to the federal government on the Affordable Care Act, even while proclaiming that the federal government couldn’t handle it, and that it should be left to… you guessed it; the states.

It’s almost like they predicted assassination, pulled the trigger, then stood back saying “Geez, how did this guy, who isn’t even remotely dead yet, die so unexpectedly!?!” Predicting a death you orchestrate doesn’t make you a fortune teller, it makes you accomplice to murder.

Truth is, and here I break from being semi-satirical, there’s no information leaking from the data nebula that is the Obamacare site or administrative cluster-fantasti-fuc, but one thing is certain… it’s a total joke, and if it’s not a DDOS, they should have hired EBay or Amazon to handle the GOP flood of “not my problem” traffic for them. It would have been cheaper and more effective. No two ways about it.

That’s the difference between liberal commentary and conservative commentary. We can admit when our heroes fail. Conservatives just double-down on stupid like Rand Paul decrying the fact that he was caught plagiarizing to fill pages on his book, which earned him a mint, by the way.

You can’t judge a system on the strength of a website that only needs to be used intensively in the first few months of a hundred-year program, and I can’t judge you for thinking ill of it. But the GOP-lead states opting to cede state control to the fed, while also predicting and predicating that failure, is just unconscionable.

EDITORS NOTE: This article underwent a bit of a heavy-handed rewrite from the editorial staff to bring it up to speed. Ms. Murphy is a new writer with Glossy News and admitted she did not have sufficient time to consider notes for a rewrite and deferred to our sometimes terrible judgment to make revisions.

EDITORS NOTE 2: Ms. Murphy had final say in the finished product of this article and determined it was precisely what was intended.