Adele Wins Lawsuit Over “Fat Joke” on Internet

In what is no doubt the weirdest court case since John Goodman sued the makers of the film The Blob for title copyright infringement, music star Adele has won a dramatic and painstaking lawsuit against an America teenager.

Her case was won on the grounds of a joke at her expense on the internet.

The drama all started back in late February when, upon seeing Adele perform for the first time on the Academy Awards, Joey Trolman, 19, of New Jersey wrote this as a Facebook status: “Gee, no wonder Adele is ‘rolling in the deep’: her mattress imprint is big enough for a kiddie pool!”

This status received serious backlash from Joey’s friends and family members: while some went the noble way of removing him permanently from their lives and breaking all ties with him, an anonymous peer sent a screenshot of the joke to Jonathan Dickins, Adele’s manager.

Before you could say “overreaction much?,” a lawsuit was filed against Trolman on the grounds of libel and emotional damages.

“I felt it was the right thing to do,” Adele told the press. “That kid needs to learn that you can’t just make fun of a celebrity like that. It’s a little horrific how many people think that just because they have an opinion or a funny idea, that they should share it with their friends. That is NOT what social networking is about.”

The singer went on to say that, “What’s worse is that the joke really struck a chord with me. After I saw the joke, I literally spent that night crying while shoveling a pint of strawberry ice cream. So it’s safe to say I was seeking emotional damages as well.”

The court battle had been intense: while Trolman’s lawyer, Ben Johnson, maintained that the joke status was just being used for harmless fun and is protected by the 1st amendment, Adele’s lawyer, Lawrence Michaels had to remind the courts that his client is, in fact, a celebrity, thus putting her above such jokes and ridicule. A good portion of Michaels’ case was also spent pointing out to the jury that Adele is practically worth millions and could buy the whole court if she pleased.

After three weeks of legal battle in the supreme court, the jury has ruled in favor of Adele, and Trolman has been ordered by Judge Dunn Farley to pay the singer $300,000 in both libel and emotional damages. “This is insane!” Trolman shouted as he stormed out of the courthouse.

“I can’t believe this. Since when is it illegal to crack a joke about a celebrity? On MY Facebook, too!” He faced a sea of boos and name-calling from some of Adele’s loyal fans, who stood outside the courthouse day and night holding banners and having candlelight vigils in support of their hero.

“That ugly kid is such a loser. Where does he get off making fun of other people? It’s really not right. I guess that’s what you get when you’re a sad lonely virgin with no friends,” Lindsey Hall, 14, told the press.

Trolman, who has deleted his Facebook due to the fact that no one wants to be his friend after making such a horrific joke, commented that he “can’t wait to start working 3 jobs to start paying this off.” As he got on the bus and disappeared off, Adele’s fans cheered as she walked out of the courthouse. As she climbed into her limo, she was overheard saying “Alright, who’s for McDonalds?”