Hog Jaw, GA – (SatireWorld.com) It looks like the sound of wedding bells are in the air as reality TV star Honey Boo Boo,(aka Allana Thompson) age 7 or so, will soon take a walk down the church aisle and marry her fourth cousin Cletus ‘Skeeter’ Johnson, age 27.
Honey Boo Boo, who has wowed fans with her successful TLC Channel TV show ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,’ has fallen in love. That’s according to a recent press release distributed by her Uncle Booger, a three-time pro mud wrestling champion and full-time Honey Boo Boo promotor.
PHOTO INSERT: Honey Boo Boo spent 4 hours at a local Sears store with her mom June picking out just the right wedding gown for her upcoming nuptials. Momma June Thompson insisted on a splatter resistant gown so ATV tires wouldn’t ruin it.
Father Sugar Bear will escort the child star down the aisle where her bridesmaid, sister Jessica will preside over a court of fellow beauty pageant contestants who plan on throwing pink colored grits on the wedding party as it passes.
Skeeter and Honey Boo Boo met at a family reunion last month in which the whole extended family celebrated Skeeter’s successful completion and release from the Georgia run rehabilitation program ‘Freedom From Methamphetamine,’a state mandated program for three time felony convictions. Skeeter says he feels as chipper as a june bug and is celebratiing a full six-weeks being, as he called being,’Tweek Free.’
The couple say they are looking forward to their honeymoon in Gatlinsburg, Tennessee where they will appear at nearby Dollywood to greet friends and supporters.
Skeeter Johnson briefly gained local fame as the first person to live after being hit head-on by a speeding Atlantic Coast Line locomotive while walking on the tracks after a binge of drug use. Though sustaining severe head trauma, Skeeter survived and became a spokesman for a baseball cap company in 2004. Today, Skeeter holds down a full-time job at Porkie’s Auto Body where he is considered a ‘fender expert’ by locals.
‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is a reality television program on TLC that features child beauty pageant participant Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, along with her mother June Shannon, father Mike Thompson (Sugar Bear) and her three older sisters. The show is mostly filmed in and around the family’s hometown in rural Hog Jaw, Georgia, a small town in Middle Georgia east of Macon.
The Thompsons originally gained fame appearing on TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras, which follows the lives of child beauty pageant contestants and their families.
Redbull drives me into the ozone. I have alot of friends there though. We talk alot and grind our teeth.
Come on Sheograth, we both know that’s defamation. Sure, a few toots of meth, but NO Redbull. Get with it.
Wow….she’ll be a blurr across the screen
I heard that to get her through the wedding, Honey Boo Boo’s mom will be giving her sips of ‘Power Juice’, in reality, a mixture of Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and speed.
I'm surprised the liberal establishment doesn't complain about sterotyping a group…Can you imagine if there was a show about a 'typical' family of drop-out, big-city Afro-Americans who were grossly fat, ate like shit, took drugs and drank excessively, stole hubcaps off parked cars..how that would play before the media bombed it?
Reality stars are marrying younger and younger, so why should chubby missy boo-boo be any different? More power to her, and her presumably adult rapist husband.