In a stunning turnaround, the allegedly “Fair & Balanced” cable news channel run by Rupert Murdoch may soon willingly add a satire disclaimer to their site, stating that all news is fabricated and meant only for humorous effect. The programming and editorial slant is not expected to change as a result, but it is hoped the satire disclaimer will deflect legal issues raised by the constant lies, hate speech and abusive hyperbole.
“We’re not going to change our slogan,” said news director Jason Sommersby. “But we are going to put quotation marks around it so viewers will understand that we mean ‘Fair & Balanced’ as an ironic phrase.”
FOX News came under fire in the past for such tactics as labeling disgraced Republicans as Democrats, sponsoring radical movements like the famously disjointed Tea Parties, and for hiring emotionally unstable individuals like Glenn Beck, papa bear Bill O’Reilly and the entire cast of Fox & Friends.
Sommersby explained, “the rise of fake news shows like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and that Catholic SOB after him coincided with the fall of real news. We saw that trend and we decided we wanted to be part of it… since our complete shift to made-up news our ratings have only gone up.”
It was believed by many at FOX that the satirical element was self-evident. The blatant disregard for facts, intensely anti-American sentiment and the clown shoes worn daily by Sean Hannity were all expected to make the point obvious, but having the least savvy demographic in the history of television has worked against them.
When FOX News paid G. Gordon Liddy to weigh in on whether or not Deep Throat was an American hero, that was powerful satire, but many failed to see the irony. Likewise when they hired disgraced war criminal Oliver North, best known for selling illegal arms to hostile nations, few FOX viewers had the ability bat an eye. And that character Brit Hume does borders on absurd.
Public Relations representative Meaghan Atwater, speaking on the condition of anonymity, rationalized the shift. “We know Weekly World News got away with making up ridiculous things like bat boy and edible asbestos, but we’re talking about real people, and when we say Obama is a racist Muslim, some people think we’re either kidding or actually that stupid. We just have to set the record straight for both legal and practical purposes.”
No date has yet been announced for the improvement, but it’s expected to take place once Mr. O’Reilly’s contract has been amended. Apparently there are some riders in it which restrict the admission of a completely imaginary agenda, but this is believed to be a technical matter with a quick resolution.
“We’re not going to set a time-table, because once you do that the terrorists win,” said Atwater, adding, “No, I’m just kidding. That’s how we joke around here.”
OhMyGosh! More competition. It is one thing to “know”that this huge media outlet dabbles in the satirical, but quite another for them to enter into direct competition. Talk about an unfair advantage. You must fight back Brian. Local Access Cable may be a small start, but I( am sure that Ollie would be happy to participate, and maybe even George Dubbia might wish to try his comedy routine. But hey, what do I know after spending all those years locked in a room looking for my clothing.