Funny Poems (II): Cheap Wine, Charm & Chocolate Sandwiches!

Today it’s my birthday

Here’s to the year

Washed down with cheap wine

And gallons of beer

When I was at school

I thought I had it made

Got bored and soon was left behind

And in the lowest grade

If you pick your nose

Each day throughout the year

Your finger could get stuck

Or end up in your ear

If you close your eyes

Around a scary drop

Don’t forget to open them

In case you wouldn’t stop

If you think of one thing

Before the current one

You may get confused

Which is not a lot of fun

He did the job in minutes

And with an angry snort

Realised his haste

Had cut the carpet short

I’m trying to toss a pancake

And really getting good

Only trouble is

They’re not landing as they should

When I look at you

I’m in a sort of daze

And when I cross the road

I forget to look both ways

I remember when we met

Memories I hold dear

Like when you hit me with your bag

And I fell off the pier

For you my sweet love

I will buy a green snake

And drape it with silks

On a wallpaper cake

I dream of you my darling

And dream of you again

Then wake up hours later

Upon the last home train

Darling if you left me

I don’t know what I’d do

Maybe I would run away

And live in London Zoo

When I walked on Dartmoor

I asked a certain horse

“What’s the winter like up here?”

“Cold you fool, of course.”

I love eating chocolate

There’s nothing like the taste

I have it in my sandwiches

With beef or chicken paste

I liked the other paper

That sort of mottled kind

Now I hate this blue

I think I’ve changed my mind


Author: JF

Writer, poet, musician and composer. I write a silly poem with a badly drawn cartoon most days for my sanity. Published in magazines, first novel published in the UK this summer.