Today it’s my birthday
Here’s to the year
Washed down with cheap wine
And gallons of beer
When I was at school
I thought I had it made
Got bored and soon was left behind
And in the lowest grade
If you pick your nose
Each day throughout the year
Your finger could get stuck
Or end up in your ear
If you close your eyes
Around a scary drop
Don’t forget to open them
In case you wouldn’t stop
If you think of one thing
Before the current one
You may get confused
Which is not a lot of fun
He did the job in minutes
And with an angry snort
Realised his haste
Had cut the carpet short
I’m trying to toss a pancake
And really getting good
Only trouble is
They’re not landing as they should
When I look at you
I’m in a sort of daze
And when I cross the road
I forget to look both ways
I remember when we met
Memories I hold dear
Like when you hit me with your bag
And I fell off the pier
For you my sweet love
I will buy a green snake
And drape it with silks
On a wallpaper cake
I dream of you my darling
And dream of you again
Then wake up hours later
Upon the last home train
Darling if you left me
I don’t know what I’d do
Maybe I would run away
And live in London Zoo
When I walked on Dartmoor
I asked a certain horse
“What’s the winter like up here?”
“Cold you fool, of course.”
I love eating chocolate
There’s nothing like the taste
I have it in my sandwiches
With beef or chicken paste
I liked the other paper
That sort of mottled kind
Now I hate this blue
I think I’ve changed my mind