Lancaster, NH -(SatireWorld.com) – Mark is a normal 17 year old boy. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and reading Playboy magazines when his Mom isn’t around. Most would say he was a normal kid with a big imagination.
But that all changed on Christmas day when he was 'one of the world's luckiest boys' who received one of 500 real live Victoria Secret models delivered by Santa himself!
PHOTO INSERT: Naughty or Nice has nothing to do with it! Sometimes Santa loves to play tricks. Other times he gets revenge!
By his own admission Mark never, ever kissed a girl before in his life, but on this Christmas morning he found himself in bed, in his own room with a beautiful brunette clad in sexy undies! It was pleasure beyond imagination.
It was fear without boundaries too. But most of all it was just plain weird! Gosh! She even had a gift tag dangling from red string that read…’Angie the Underwear Model # 488.’
Mark was in a quandry. His mind raced with sexual possibilities.
He didn't know how to 'get things started' and was afraid to say anything to ‘Angie the Underwear Model Number 488’ that would be considered foolish, or childish, or God forbid… stupid! Afterall he was now a man with a man’s gift!
His Mom’s Christmas Cookies? Some hot chocolate? Show her his Warcraft collection?
Angie coyly smiled at him and skillfully unhooked a silky strap from her top. He watched it slide down her perfectly tanned shoulder in slow motion. His mouth suddenly went dry. From inside his head, Mark heard a rushing of blood and felt a spreading warmth on his face. What to do!
He smiled back defensively hoping his feinted confidence would give him some time to think.
Yes, think…I must think this through. A strange voice, vaguely his, talked to him in his head. Now, the strap on the other shoulder was falling in slow motion before his eyes, the prize about to be revealed!
What did Kevin tell him about chicks and sex? Kevin down the street scored with hundreds of chicks, right? He was a whole year older and knew everything about scoring! What was it? Yes…Be honest and just ask her what she needs! That’s it!
So he did what Kevin said worked best… He blinked several times and licked his dry lips. She smiled back with a brilliant white-toothed smile, her red lips pouted in sexual anticipation as he spoke.
“I’ve never received a Christmas gift like you before and I just have one question Angie…So, like where do I put the batteries?”
Aghast that she ended up with the King of Nerds, Angie grabbed a robe and quickly fled the house as Mark diligently searched for three fresh ‘D’ size batteries from the pile of soiled clothing and discarded pizza boxes from around his bed .
Hearing an imaginary door slam closed caused his eyes to open. Was that just real? Was it just a Christmas fantasy dream? You know, a perverted Charles Dickens tale written by a sexually skilled writer like some of those who wrote hot stories in the Playboy magazines he kept under his bed? Yeah that’s it, a dream.
Mark reached for the phone and called his best friend Chuck. Excitedly, he told them about his ‘close call’ dream with a real live model. Chuck said he was crazy and told him it was like 3AM and to go back to sleep. The phone went silent and he felt foolish for bothering his friend so early in the morning. Outside he could hear the cracking of ice and the soft rustle of falling snow.
Mark sleepily looked at his clock and pulled the covers tighter around his neck. ‘It felt so real’ thoughts tumbled through his mind as he searched for the comfortable spot that brought sleep.
Suddenly, from outside his room window he heard a jingle of sleigh bells fading away from his house and then a loud ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’ broke the still air.
As the bell notes receded into the brittle cold air, Mark heard another voice strong and clear. This time a female’s voice. It rang out in the night with a parting message….”YOU LITTLE JERK!”
EDITOR’S NOTE:
Due to an overwhelming outcry from mature males, Santa has agreed to only supply the Victoria Secrets models in the future to older guys and to give the 'little guys' a coloring book, craylons, and a dozen Bargis Tryhol autographed Satire World.com stories. To be considered and included on the list for your own Victoria Secrets model in time for Christmas call 1-800-222-2222 and ask for Mel in shipping.
If I’d had something this wicked when I was a teen I wouldn’t have also become a teen dad. Still paying for it today and it’s been 15-years already.
Having once been a teenage, I can appreciate this impossible dream.