Israel’s “War With Iran” Roadshow Ready For Tour

Not content with mere headlines, the Benjamin Netanyahu War-With-Iran-Roadshow is about to get underway.

A contingent of drummers, buglers, and dancing dwarfs will parade on American streets beating out their music, using the key refrain, “War with Iran! War with Iran! We want war with Iran!”

Ad-libbing is permitted, so the show invites audience participation with such lines as, “Let’s do it before November!” and “The sooner the better!” and “We love war! We can’t get enough of it!”

The idea of the Roadshow is to parade through a town to a large circular tent in the national colors of Israel and the US, drawing crowds along with it, who are encouraged to join the celebration.

A reliable source—although this advance is not entirely confirmed—has indicated Presidential candidate Mitt Romney plans to join several of these parades in strategic places within his campaign. He is considering a few ad-libs, such as “Tell me what you want, Mr. Netanyahu, and I will do it!” and “Elect me to make sure we support a war with Iran as soon as possible!”

The utmost seriousness of this war must not be underestimated, according to Netanyahu and Romney spokespersons, who requested anonymity. After all, the Iranians are enriching uranium to service their nuclear power plants, as with many other countries in the industrialized world.

As to diplomacy, it’s now obvious the well-laid and benevolent efforts with that approach have dragged on too long. The Roadshow will and must emphasize a “Let’s get on with it!” as accompaniment to “War with Iran! War with Iran!”

Mitt Romney is said to be considering whether this chant plus drumbeats could become a regular backdrop to his campaign messages as we move on in this crucial pre-election period.

Most important, although inspections teams have established there is no chance of Iran developing nuclear weapons for many years, we must not underestimate Iranian intentions. True, Iran has not asserted plans to develop a nuclear arsenal, but spokespersons sighed and shook their heads. Accordingly, the public should not underrate the politicians’ ability to read minds plus chart reliable pathways into the future. Do Iran’s oil resources have anything to do with this cause for war? Absolutely not!

And could an attack by Bibi on Iran be construed as a political ploy to force Obama’s hand? That is, to pressure Obama into war with Iran as part of November politics? With this question a spokesperson for Mr. Obama blinked his eyes, but made no further rejoinder.

However, the spokesperson for the Roadshow and Mr. Netanyahu said “No” firmly. He explained further.

“Not exactly, that is. These matters are really out of our hands in the face of all the belligerence coming out of Iran. Really, we are helpless except to use the last resort of war. Which we deeply regret, of course. The purpose of the Roadshow is only to inform the public on who is right on this issue, and who is leaning to the right—I mean, of course, who is correct.”