Last year’s Whitehouse state dinner crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi were critically wounded last night while crashing rap-artist 50 Cent’s Christmas blow-out. Details remain sketchy, however, several witnesses reported an altercation erupted shortly after the couple entered 50 Cent’s residence.
“A couple of the guests, thinking Michaele was one of the hired skanks, tried to spray her boobs with champagne. When Tareq objected, he was promptly pistol whipped,” said one guest who declined to be identified.
When it was suspected the pair might actually be undercover police, 50 Cent demanded Michaele prove they weren’t or face a severe beat down. “You’d better get to crunkin’, bitch!” 50 Cent suggested. To everyone’s surprise, Michaele cued the DJ to play Nickelback’s, “Something in Your Mouth” and laid down some wicked crunk moves while Tareq “made it rain” with hundred dollar bills. Her high energy, booty-shaking routine was briefly interrupted by party guest Kanye West, who told her he was going to let her, “get back to what she was doing”, but then added that Beyonce was the best crunker of ALL TIME!
It is still unclear where the actual shot came from, but it is obvious that no one really cared. Most were still trying to figure out where the Nickelback album came from. But 50 Cent was mightily impressed and ushered the couple inside.
The couple continued to party with the likes of Jay-Z and Lil Wayne without incident until shortly after midnight. Tareq, Jay-Z and 50 Cent were out on the balcony smoking Cuban cigars when gunfire suddenly erupted. Some witnesses report that Tareq and 50 Cent were discussing neo classical versus Keynsian economics.
“Tareq, a neo classical advocate, had just remarked that the market does not need intervention by the government when 50 Cent pulled a gun and shot him in the face. He shouldn’t have said that. Everybody knows 50 Cent is a notorious Keynsian,” said another witness who declined identification.
Other, more reliable witnesses claim it was Jay-Z that shot Tareq after he made the remark, “If Michaele’s ass was as big as Beyonce’s, I’d lease it out as office space.” Regardless, Michaele returned fire as she helped her struggling husband to their waiting limo.
During the brief firefight, Michaele sustained several gunshot wounds to her gorgeous gown and ironically one in the ass. The gown is expected to recover. According to one final witness, “If she’d just stood sideways, there’s no way in hell they’d have hit her.” The Salahis are resting comfortably and expected to recover in time to crash someone else’s party New Year’s Eve.