On June 11th an orphaned orca whale named Springer was arrested in Seattle Washington. The youth was taken in to custody after allegedly vandalizing watercraft in the Puget Sound.

"She's got to go, [back to Canada]" tells Al Strickland of the Department of Immigration and Naturalization. "She's not a US citizen, has no papers, parents nowhere to be found and she's causing trouble."

Following her arrest the ACLU immediately stepped forward to claim a case of profiling. "The arresting officer didn't once refer to her as an Orca, but rather a 'killer' whale. Killer! Show me some proof of that. It's clear she was singled out and found guilty without a trial." Explained Reginald Perry. "Like Killer is somehow synonymous with Murderer."

"This is not motivated by color," explained former Seattle Mayor Paul Schell. "Because she's both black AND white, AND a big part of the local injun culture. And it's not an aquatic discrimination either because my last name is Shell. That's an aquatic name. Explain THAT to me!"

SWAT officers of all races were on hand and eager to get a crack at her, but were disappointed to report complete cooperation. Winchell Cruller is the police negotiator who was called to the scene. "She knew it was over. We had our oversized flipper-cuffs ready and we read her rights in record time. Minutes per pound it was the fastest negotiation I've ever had. Don't worry, her killing days in America are over, the big killer." He added that a team of rescue divers performed a cavity search but revealed no weapons.

No motive has yet been determined and she has yet to make any statement in her own defense. Early reports that she had intended to attend flight school proved unfounded.

Triage veterinarians were on hand after she was booked at the King County Detention Center who examined her and found she was both under weight and infected with worms. Once nurse reported "Ew, worms, grody." Police suspected drugs but the lab results on the four gallons of blood drawn were inconclusive.

At her solitary confinement cell corrections officers watched closely, prepared to drop a plugged in hair dryer in to the water at the first sign of trouble. Corrections officers tell us "I feel better now that she's gone. Canada can't just send us their criminals like that, this isn't Australia."

The acting FBI director for the region emphasized the need for tighter borders in his speech Tuesday morning. "If a potential terrorist and an infamous killer of over twenty feet can just cross over into our country, think how easy it must be for terrorists of say five or six feet, let alone the naked munchkin type."

Formal deportation took place July 15th. Canadia welcomed her return noting a glaring absence of Orca related murders in the second quarter.

Following last months bombing outside a city building in Jerusalem, state officials have completed their lengthy trial of Abdar Mohoosher and have determined the best fitting punishment. Based on the death toll of 4 with 9 more sustaining life long injuries they have decided they must grow 14 clones of the convicted murderer to share the precise fate of the victims. The first 4 shall be used as suicide bombers in front of Palestinian Official buildings while the remaining 9 will be maimed and sent back home to refugee camps as Jews.

Based on the "comical" design of the bomb much of the head was still intact and recovered from the rubble. Officials at a press conference claimed excitement over the certainty the DNA in fact belongs to the "inhuman, soulless, shame."

"This expansion in technology gives us a new opportunity to reconcile the 'eye for an eye' ledger they believe so strongly in. When it suits us, we will use their ideology. The rest of the time of course we will stick to our own," said Raman Steinmann, who wished to remain anonymous.

The crude makeshift bomb vest, according to videotape surveillance recovered, was neither discrete nor stylish.

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