BUSH TRADES FLORIDA TO CUBA FOR 2 SHORT STOPS AND A RELIEF PITCHER
By Brandon Basham appears Courtesy of
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Above: President Bush addresses reporters in the pink room in the White House while Cuban players, donning their respective new jerseys, frolic about. |
President Bush announced today that as of October 21, 2002, Florida will officially become part of Cuba. Bush came to the decision after investigations have shown that not only did a great deal of Muslim terrorists live in the Sunshine State, they were also trained there. "We've been considering this trade for awhile. The World Trade Center muck-up was just the last straw.", Bush told reporters in Washington this morning. "Florida has caused a lot of problems with its drug trade, that Elian thing, its inability to fill out a ballot, its birthing of music acts like Creed, Limp Bizkit, N'SYNC and other atrocities that are too horrid to mention.".
Asked if he had any regrets about losing the state, Bush commented, "The kid's [pitcher] got a good arm, I think overall we'll be a stronger contender this year. We have to play as a team. Sure, college football will never be the same again. But hopefully, the loss will improve the music industry and it will increase the nation's overall literacy rate, and this isn't just a creative accounting deal either, it's real. This should balance things out nicely.".
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Jesus Christ Booed at All-Star Game
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Above: Benevolent Christ receives a warm welcome from the Milwaukee crowd after the game was called a tie. |
Story by Rudy P. Marshall appears courtesy of The Rail
MILWAUKEE-- Son of Man and Savior of humankind Jesus H. Christ was booed at a rare public appearance at the 72nd Annual Major League Baseball All-Star game in Milwaukee after the game was declared a tie.
Christ, Who gave His life so as to ensure salvation for Christians in the afterlife, appeared at home plate after the game to bestow the honorary MVP award to the late legendary Ted Williams.
"Ted, you've had a great career deserving of this award," said Christ, as the boos mounted. "And thank you Milwaukee for a wonderful weekend."
The Milwaukee fans, known for being hard on visitors, filled the stadium with deep boos and threw bottles, debris and bobble-heads on the field as Christ left the field and walked out of the stadium.
"I'm hurt that they booed me," said Christ later, "but I understand. You know, I haven't been around for awhile. I forgive them."
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