Athens — After many years of embarrassing budget mismanagement leading to a debt of over 450 billion dollars, the Greek government has agreed that the only way out of their economic recession is to remake the 2002 sleeper hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Greek Parliament Member Gino Fotopoulos the main architect of the idea says, “It’s just the right thing to do.” Fotopoulos, who presented the idea on the floor of the Greek Parliament Tuesday, plans on using the country’s remaining 33 million dollar bank holdings to finance the film.
“Yeah, we’re in the hole for alotta money, but look how much money Avatar made!” reasoned Fotopoulos.
The Greek Parliament gathered for a special session to discuss what the premise of the new film should be. Exchanges were heated and struck across party lines, as officials decided whether the new film should continue Toula Portokalos’ story in a heartwarming sequel or completely recast the film in an exciting prequel.
Alec Papaioannou, Speaker for the nationalist party Independent Greeks, argued that the film should be called My Big Fat Greek Puberty. Papaioannou continued, “How wonderful it would be if we could see Toula in high school. Maybe she could be prom queen? And she could wear laurels in her hair!”
The Speaker for the Greek Communist Party Reyna Andreou preferred the continuation of the original story with a sequel entitled My Big Fat Greek Divorce. Because even though it has been 10 years since the movie came out, Andreou remained unconvinced that the the Anglo-Saxon Protestant Ian Miller that Toula married was the right guy for her. “I wanted to see her with a real Greek man.” said Andreou while clutching her heart.
An angry Papaioannu pounded his fist and interrupted, “There is no way Toula and Ian could get a divorce! They are too in love!”
It seemed as if no compromise could be made until first term member Hector Georgiades approached the microphone and said softly but deliberately, “How about My Big Fat Greek Baby?” which lead to thunderous applause and general agreement of how cute that would be.
Leaders of the Eurozone had mixed responses about Greece’s plan. The biggest backer of austerity measures in Europe, German Chancellor Merkel commented “Maybe it would be more appropriate to have instead a “Small, Skinny Greek” movie?” French President Francois Hollande, a fierce critic of austerity, fired back, “In these hard economic times, the Greek people need more assistance than ever,” adding that “[Greeks] should not be afraid of using an even more indulgent title like “Bigger, Fatter Greek-ier” movie.” However, Hollande’s suggestion was immediately criticized by hardline Greeks as being too reminiscent of Chris Rock’s 1999 Grammy winning album “Bigger and Blacker.”
When asked if writer and star of the original film Nia Vardolas will be involved in the new film, Fotopoulos responded,
“Obviously we’d love to have her on board. Maybe do a cameo or something? That would be just perfect!” When asked about what movie he wanted to make Fotopoulos said, “Personally, I’d like to see a film centered on Cousin Nikki. She was always my favorite character.”
Greece officials have contacted Gino’s nephew who is very good with cameras to direct the film and have promised that it will be available in 3D.
President of Greece Karolos Papoulias has not publicly come out in favor of a film premise, but he did comment that “It doesn’t matter what the film is about. If you put Greek in the title, it will be a success.”