The Winter Olympics in Vancouver have obviously taught us all some important lessons about bobsled safety and 40 million dollar opening ceremonies. However, some Americans are learning more than they ever expected from the Olympic coverage. Americans, globally renowned for a complete ignorance of geography, have discovered countries they didn’t know existed at all.
Truck driver Bill Sinclair of Tuscaloosa, Alabama was in a diner watching the men’s double luge competition when he discovered that not only was Latvia a real country, but they had just won a silver medal.
“I couldn’t fuckin’ believe it! That’s really a country? Lat-via? I still think everyone’s still just yankin’ my chain,” Bill explained. “The sled fella who died was from Georgia though, god bless his soul. I grew up in Atlanta.”
Bill is not alone in his astonishment. While watching women’s cross-country skiing late one night, Shakey’s Pizza employee and habitual marijuana user Brian Fullmer noticed something strange.
“I was just sitting on my futon, watching the Olympics and shit, then like, in the bottom of screen I saw it said Estonia.. and at first I was all like, fuck dude, I’m baked.” Brian recalled. “So I hit up google, and sure enough man, that shit is real. I want to move there and get Estonia-ed all day.(laughs)”.
He added, “Did you know the place Borat is from is real too? Crazy shit, man.”
Other countries have not been surprised by the lack of knowledge about them in America. In fact, American Olympic Team members tend to be unaware of some of their competitors. American ladies’ alpine skier Lindsey Vonn was shocked to learn she lost out on a silver medal to Tina Maze of Slovenia.
Once in the locker room, Vonn asked her coaches, “Seriously?! What or where is a Slovenia? Can anyone even point it out on a map!” They could not.
While it’s clear that many Americans have nothing more than a vague comprehension of global geography, we still get a shit-ton of gold medals.