A lawsuit filed by the devil in a Virginia district court claims that Pat Robertson is the party with an actual contractual relationship with Satan.
Virginia Beach – The devil filed a lawsuit in the Virginia Beach district court on Thursday suing Pat Robertson for breach of contract. “Pat Robertson has broken the terms of our agreement with him” said Arthur B. Ellzebub, an attorney for satan, “His public comments regarding various pacts we may or may not be involved in is in clear violation of the non-disclosure agreement we signed with him 36 years ago.”
Ellzebub went on to explain that the controversy surrounding Robertson’s comments about the recent tragedy in Haiti is creating significant confusion as to whom exactly has a contractual relationship with the devil.
Ellzebub clarified the issue when he explained that “Mr. Robertson first approached us seeking fame, fortune and power, and we agreed to grant him all these things in exchange for a series of services. These services include manipulating the faith of millions of believers for our political and financial gain and projecting himself in the mainstream media as a complete ass. While his work on both fronts over the years has been exemplary, we must enforce our deals to the letter. For this reason, the devil has decided to sue Mr. Robertson. ”
In response to a question regarding the devil’s relationship with Haiti, Ellzebub answered “While I am not at liberty to divulge any of satan’s legal relationships, I can say that the devil prefers working with individuals like Mr. Robertson and quite frankly we do not have the legal resources to make such an arrangement with an entire nation.”
Robertson was not immediately available for comment. However his attorneys did release the following statement: “Mr. Robertson denies any relationship past or present with the devil. However, if there so happens to be evidence of any interaction with satan, the explanation for this would be that the devil had tricked Mr. Robertson into believing he was someone else.”
NOTE: To participate in the relief effort, visit RedCross.org.