Glossy News Does Not Receive the Respect it Deserves

I’m well aware of the fact that this site ranks near the top of the chart for daily views and regular readers. The chart that I’m referring to is the one that I have in my bedroom.

I have severe OCD so I feel compelled to make a chart every day and then write all of the websites that I visit each day on the chart.

I then mark special symbols next to each site once for every three times that I visit the site on any given day. While counting the symbols for all of the sites included in the last six months of archived charts this morning I noticed that GlossyNews.com has a ton of symbols (including almost as many asterisks as CW.com)!

The bottom line is that this has to be one of the top sites on the entire internet, yet all of you A-holes that are reading are lazy and disrespectful.

Please give up the “I deserve everything for free” attitudes and start doing some work in return. All that I’m asking is for every single person in our devoted fan-base to visit the site a minimum of fourteen to seventeen times per day.

I also need you guys to click on every advertisement banner that you see on the site each time you drop anchor here (14-17 times per day). The writers that publish here are sharing our hard work, dedication, extensive research hours and genius in order for hundreds and thousands of millions of people to read the latest news every day.

I personally feel that we should be rewarded with loads of money in return. Even the biggest retard in the most retarded backwoods village on Earth knows that money equals respect. By you (yes, YOU!) being too lazy to frequent the site more than four or five times per day while never clicking any of the amazing advertisements you are giving myself and my colleagues a figurative “eff you”.

Think about it and start clicking or else I may be forced to organize a writers’ strike.