It seems there was one or more small clerical error(s) in our last edition. Please note the following corrections:

In reference to the article about the potential formation of the nude pool league, it is important to mention that the measure was voted down by the village council. The reasons cited was that the league had internal problems. “Their sticks were bent, their legs were wobbly, their rack was too small, they couldn’t shoot it in the hole when it mattered, and they didn’t have enough balls.“ As a further editorial note, billiards is played with the balls on the table, not dangling several inches above the floor, as many patrons complained.

It was reported that Intern Accidentally Deleted the Internet . The intern Julia Walter's' parents, Jill and Glen Walters, are making her replace the Internet she broke with her own time and money. The only comment Glossy News could get from the very busy and flushed Julia was, “Christ, do you realize how much PORN was on the internet?” Her comments came as she was pausing momentarily to cool down her crotch with a bag of ice. The editor found this activity curious, puzzling, and really friggen' erotic.

Last weeks story of Al Gore's "No Win" Campaign . was a heads-up of the plan kicking into gear soon after the printing of the story, when the Gore Campaign shot out of the box with their first strategic wave, “Look Like a Total Pussy” Campaign, by saying we should wait to go into Iraq, and finish the war on Terror first. He also said we should hunt for Osama’s body for forty fucking years like we did Hitler’s. Further, he added "When I [do or don't] win, I'm going to Disneyland!"

Best we can tell everything else is true, accurate and chock full of wisdom.