Following the success of their streak frys and streak dance, the American Legion club has started a nude pool league on Thursday nights. The league, which pits two teams of five naked people against one another, has come under public scrutiny because it violates public nudity ordinances. The Legion's previous naked activities were also against the ordinances, but Club Manager and Village Council President Marian Kiljoy found loopholes in the laws. She's allowed the nude pool league to continue, despite residents' disapproval.

"Playing pool in the nude hurts no one," claimed Kiljoy, herself nude at the last meeting. "We were all born naked, and nudity is beautiful," she said.

"Not in your case," yelled someone from the crowd.

"This is an abomination! People are playing pool in sin!" protested Adventist resident Omar S. Burns. "We cannot allow this sin to continue in our God fearing community," he continued at the last Village meeting.

"I don't care what you think!" yelled the Mayor as her naked arm rapped her naked gavel.

The league, which began when the Legion team couldn't decide on the color of team shirts, has an extra set of rules to deal with the nudity of the players. The first rule is to keep your balls off the table, lest the other team get 'ball in hand,' and they're not talking pool balls. The next rule is to keep your balls out of the other team's holes. And they're not talking pockets. Sticks are to be held with both hands at all times and a player is allowed only eight strokes a game, lest they have to stroke someone else's stick, and they're not talking pool cues either. Breasts are not allowed to flop on the table, and players who break this rule end up with greenish-blue boobs.

In first place is the Sportsmans all female team named "Chicks with Sticks."

So far the Legion team is in last place. SAL Commander Erich Morris is much to blame, as he claims that his long stick prohibits him from standing close enough to the table to make any shots. His teamates insist that isn't his problem. "He has the shortest stick on the team," says Sue Lush.

"The only thing big on him is his ego," added Joyce Flayton.

"I like playing naked because I don't have to decide what clothes to wear. All I have to do is comb my hair, and then comb my other hair and I'm out the door," said Mrs. Flayton.

Kiljoy has installed extra heaters in the pool room for the nudies on the pool league, proving that the pool league really steams up the place. Dar Dilley, wearing only a tool belt, installed the heaters last Thursday. He and his long hammer distracted the female members of the Legion team, so they again lost all their matches. Regardless, they went home happy. The electric bills have gone up, but so has the Legion's business. Not only do the nude pool players spend a lot of money, but they draw a crowd of spectators who enjoy gazing at balls and long sticks, including Kiljoy herself. "I like to watch," she explained at the last Council meeting, stroking her gavel.

"Win or lose, playing pool in the nude is exciting. Even if you lose every game, the view is always nice," said Legion team member Lauren Collins as Sue bent over to shoot.

The Council is expected to vote on Kiljoy's proposal next Tuesday.

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