Tag Archive | "pregnancy"

Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative

(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child.

The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of the test results, have gone into a time of mourning over its political affiliation.

Mrs. Clinton was shocked when their nurse informed them of the news. “I’m speechless and don’t know what I’m going to do! How could this happen to me? Why have I been cursed?” Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (5)

TSA Agent Impregnates Passenger

In news which may come as a huge shock to frequent flyers in the United States, Leanne Ackerman, 28, was somehow accidentally impregnated by a TSA agent of the same gender during an enhanced security pat-down, popularly known as the ‘TSA Grope’.

“It’s the only way I could have become pregnant, really,” Ms. Ackerman said, breastfeeding her two-month-old son during our interview.

“The woman obviously didn’t change her gloves between me and the last passenger she examined like she’s supposed to, or she engaged in some sexual act with one of her male colleagues while wearing them, so when she thrust her fingers into my vajayjay multiple times, she must have carried sperm into it from those gloves. I mean, I’ve never had a partner and I’m still a virgin, so I couldn’t have become pregnant any other way.” Continue reading


Posted in Crooked Cops, TravelComments (2)

Cops to Use Womb as Rape Evidence Locker

Swee Chung Ting, an alleged rape victim in New Mexico, is seeking to charge the state for use of her womb as an evidence locker.

It began with submission of legislation to make abortion illegal in New Mexico in cases where pregnancy results from rape or incest, on the grounds that such abortion would constitute “tampering with evidence”. The prosecutor in Ms. Ting’s case apparently felt that new legislation might not be required, and filed an injunction against Ms. Ting to prevent her from having an abortion, on the same grounds. Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (11)

White Woman Claims Watching 3D Film Made Her Pregnant w/ Black Child

Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com) – A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in August at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman claimed she had become pregnant while watching a 3-D porno movie.

The child’s equally surprised father James Francis, a soldier who had been away for a year serving on a military base in Afghanistan, found the black baby at home when his unit cycled back to Fort Bragg in late October. Read the full story


Posted in EntertainmentComments (28)

GlossyNews.com Interviews Paul Ryan on Equal Rights and the Personhood of Fertilized Corporations

The U.S. Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Paul Ryan, is often portrayed as a person of little compassion. However, he sees himself as expanding equal rights to new classes of persons. Here is how he responded to my questions on these subjects:

GlossyNews.com: Congressman Ryan, you’ve said that human life is precious to you, so why do you insist that even if a pregnancy endangers the life of a woman, she has no right to end it? Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (5)

Valentine’s Day Condom Heists Puzzle Store Owners

Multiple stores across the nation are just now reporting a significant increase in stolen condoms the week before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment on the increase in theft, one store owner had this to say:

“I understand the motivation, but I’m not sure the people stealing these condoms completely understand Valentine’s Day. Is it supposed to be romantic. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex with a stolen condom.” Read the full story


Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (0)

World’s First Pregnant Man Opts for Abortion

Berlin (GlossyNews) — The first man to be able to successfully conceive, carry and naturally deliver a child, announced today that he will have an abortion, four months in to his pregnancy. Abel Boustard, 27, from the small town of Arad in western Romania said he realized that he was not prepared for the demands of fatherhood.

“It all seemed so cool in the beginning,” Read the full story


Posted in Science & TechnologizzyComments (1)

Sarah Palin Pregnant Again. Claims it May Be Someone Else’s.


Posted in Making HeadlinesComments (0)

12yo Boy “Not Father” According Reason, Fact

Alfie McScrunt, the boy who was reported to have fathered a child when he was 12 years old, is not the baby’s father, DNA tests have shown. Alfie, now 13, of Smegmadale’s Sink or Swim Housing Estate, told the ‘underage sex’ columnist from the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette that he was ‘dead chuffed’ (Chav-speak for ‘proud’) he’d got his 15-year-old girlfriend ‘up the tub’ (further Chav-speak for ‘preggers’). Read the full story


Posted in Kidz ZoneComments (0)

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