Early Thursday morning, the United States "reluctantly" entered into a military phase of diplomacy in Iraq.

Intelligence reports apparently said Saddam "ya daddy" Hussein as well as many of his top advisors and family members were hanging out in a bunker getting a good sleep in preparation for the next wave of attempts at peaceful resolution. Acting under Dubya's direct orders, welcome wagon representatives delivered party favors and confetti makers in a delivery estimated to have cost upwards to $60Million USD.

After the attempted delivery, Saddam Hussein made a televised statement thanking the US for their delivery but asking next time to send it certified with proof of signature, so he can be sure to recieve his gifts.