Bin Laden Asks, "How Much for my Doppelganger?"
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Above: Bin Laden stands with his exact body double, who is prepared to face world wrath on Bin Laden's behalf. |
The al-Jazeera news network released video footage earlier this morning that appears to have been sent to them via the most archaic of VHS-Camcorder methods. This political plea appears aimed directly at United States government officials.
"How much for this man?" asks the unkempt pseudo-Bedouin. "How much will you pay for this handsome man? Anyone? He looks much like me and has been hired to fill my turban." Sources inside the Pentagon believe that this doppelganger is not actually Bin Laden himself, but rather some kind of "body-double" if you will.
"Not twenty-five Mill" quipped Donny Rumsfeld during his guest appearance on the Late Show with Jon Stuart last Saturday. "He looks good alright but I can clearly tell it's not him. That man looks placid maybe a bit apprehensive, but not kooky eyed and culty-crazy like the real deal. I'll pay ten G's tops. I'd even take a couple dozen if he can get a good supply on them. Might be soothing on the old morale front."
Bin Laden, now operating under the assumed identity "The perma-trippin' LSD fool previously known as Bin Laden" apparently was expecting as much as $8 million which he would willingly accept in cash, small arms, US body count, or global uber-holocaust.
"Sure I've made a killing in killing, not to mention the stock market, but they are Caponing me with their work arounds trying to get at my take. Without the bling it's hard to keep an evil empire of uneducated jack asses running their various assorted amoks. That's the man for you, always keeping a brother [of Islam] down."
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