A self-employed banker from Milton Keynes in the UK has shocked the entertainment world by announcing his engagement to Britney Spears. Richard Less, or Dick to his friends, is described by witnesses as "having a face that only a blind mother could love." However, he still managed to ensnare the busty diva by persuading her to kiss him under the mistletoe.

In a move that has caused mistletoe to outsell Harry Potter merchandise, Dick Less cited an ancient pagan lore that decreed that couples kissing under the Christmas mistletoe are bound by a lifetime of mutual commitment. Ms Spears laughed off the accusations at first, but lawyers are now investigating Mr. Less's claims that the lore predates current law by some 2000 years.

"I am furious that anyone could be so deceitful," Ms Spears ranted. "He told me that he was my biggest fan and could he have a Christmas kiss? I thought, hell why not? I'll do anything to be more popular than Christine Aguilera. Now he is sending me wedding cake brochures and kinky poetry. Doesn't he know that I am just girl, not yet a woman? There is no way I am letting him hit me one more time."

This landmark case is likely to create a >This landmark case is likely to create a flurry of similar claims and attractive people are being urged to avoid ugly mistletoe brandishers at all costs. Top pathetic claims lawyer Amber Lance-Chaser has heralded the ancient lore will ill-disguised greed. "This is the best news for ugly people since the invention of alcohol," she drooled. "Now with a bit of trickery, everyone can kiss their way to getting laid."

News has just come in that another megastar babe has fallen for this trick. Wayne's brother Hope has landed a smacker on Jennifer Lopez's cheek as she promoted her new single, 'Jenny from the Block.' However, video footage suggests that his claims may be declared void as J-Lo was clearly kissed against her will. Apparently J-Lo was quoted as saying "Who does he think he is? I am an A list ****ing celebrity. Does he not know that whilst I used to only have a little money, now I have a lot? I only kiss ****ing millionaires!"

Glossy News will shortly be getting a reaction from Shakira, just as soon as our reporter can find some bloody mistletoe…