Unelected US president George Bush announced yesterday, apparently to no one in particular, that he would invade Iraq quite soon, based on the fact that the Iraqis "cannot adequately use either the semicolon or the period. In short, their punctuation is evidence of their desire to fool the world, reap the benefits of dictatorship, and corrupt the English language."

Bush and his advisors had just read the entire 12,000 page Iraqi position paper and were said to be weary and tired and angry at their effort.

"It's clear to me," said Bush," that Iraq has violated a number of UN sanctions with this document. Why they even included a copy of Johnny Wads Hot Night in Vegas." The Johnny Wad booklet, with a video and CD included, was said to have partiularly enraged American jurist John Ashcroft, who recently had the knees and thighs of offensive Greek statues covered in the Washington D. C. area.

Bush and Ashcroft are both said to be "outraged" that Saddam Husseim also included a copy of Whip Me, Beat Me, Leather Bitch-as a part of the document detailing Iraqs weapons program.

UN advisors refused to comment on the Bush charges, other than to say that they had seen the video, heard the CD, read the paper and wanted more info before they could comment. Much more info.

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