Naughty couples who invite another woman to ruck up their bed sheets may have their ‘marry one – get one free’ enjoyment taxed following a motion by Ivor Neveradit, the MP for Stoke on Trent. Neveradit came up with the proposal following complaints from local businesses that many of their male workers were too tired to stand up to the vigours of a working day.

“The problem started after a survey claimed that 40 percent of women would like to widen their sexual horizons by inviting another woman into the marital bed,” Neveradit explained. “That night the town was packed with men searching for a willing extra.”

However Neveradit dismisses claims that he just wants to stop people having fun. “There is the issue of safe sex to consider,” he argued. “There is an extra risk that someone will fall out of bed.”

Ivor Biggun, MP for Staines is whipping up support to oppose the motion. “I’ve had sex with two delightful young women every night since I was elected to parliament,” he boasted “and I have always managed to get up in time for Prime Minister’s Questions Time.”

The female MP’s were reluctant to comment as none of them have been propositioned, but the Church is planning to join in the fun by raising more money from wedding services across the country, as the Extremely Reverend Bishop of Bashing explained.

“We feel there is scope to help newlyweds learn about the birds and bees and help us put lead in our roofs at the same time. Our new wedding package will include the hire of a bed in the vestry after the service where the head bridesmaid will be expected lend a hand, or even a mouth, with the wedding nuptials.”

Bishop Bashing was quick to explain why the best man was not expected to join in the fun. “The male sexual apparatus is simple, “ he said. “It is just a case of suck it and see. Women have made their clitoris fiendishly difficult to find, so it is the bridesmaid’s duty to guide the groom with a thorough demonstration. The priest will be in attendance at all times to make sure that nothing unholy happens. We are sure it will be a success, we have already received offers of sponsorship from Kleenex.”

The commons vote is tabled for early evening after all the male MP’s were too busy to attend yesterday’s morning session.