Eggheads at the Royal Society for Keeping Boffins off the Street have made a shock discovery – large-breasted women can’t act! The men in white coats rated the screen performances of actresses across the last 60 years and discovered that their acting talents were inversely correlated with their cup size.

Professor Wayne King explained that the bumbling performances off past screen harlots such as Marilyn Monroe were unnoticed as the viewer’s attention was otherwise engaged.

“By closely studying hundreds of hours of footage we have been able to ascertain that women with large breasts are both physically and psychologically unable to act,” he explained. “Pamela Anderson coped with bouncing through the surf in Babe Watch, but soon became tangled in Barbed Wire. Liz Hurley failed to prolong her Austin Powers career, despite her obvious leather-clad allure and as for Kate Winslet, well she leaned over the front of a cruise ship and it sank – enough said.”

Scientists believe that a bouncing cleavage actually saps talent by forcing the buxom babe to concentrate on presenting her breasts for maximum effect rather than exposing the inner heart of her character.

“Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz get paid millions for each film because their breasts are the size of fried eggs,” said Professor King. “The same applies to Jennifer Lopez, although her talents are slightly distracted by her huge ass.”

However, the findings are controversial and have been challenged by Dr Hans Job from Cologne University who believes that the theory is a storm in a D cup.

“You only need to examine the variety of women that have been nominated for best unsupported actress over the past few years to realise that bust size is irrelevant,” he argued. “We had the entire female cast from Charlie’s Angels in 2000, Jennifer Love Hewitt in Heartbreakers and Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil in 2001. This year we have Halle Berry in Die Another Day so the art of breast bouncing is set to return to the big screen in a big way.”

Filmgoers will soon be able to make up their own minds with the imminent release of Lethal Weapons, Die Hard (with a smile) and A Tale of Two Titties.