Ariel Sharon, the Prime Minister of Israel, has in the past been accused of being a hawkish dinosaur, playing out a personal vendetta against his long-time rival Yasser Arafat. But by barricading the PLO leader in what's left of his Ramallah compound, he has sent a new message to the rest of the world.

"I want peace between Israelis and Palestinians," remarked the Prime Minister. "And the only way I can do that is to make the Palestinians so mad they all reach their respective resonant frequencies, and blow up. Spontaneous combustion is the key to stabilizing the situation between the Israeli and Palestinian peoples."

He noted how other policies, like a suicide hotline for suicide bombers, had failed miserably. "After a while, it really seemed that no one would ever call. We got some crank calls, but that remained the extent of our patronage." Another plan, tried during out last siege of Arafat's headquarters, was to cut those trapped inside off from food and supplies, in the hopes that the 200 people inside would confuse their leader for a huge over-micro waved withered hot dog.

Having tried such tactics of aggravation before, Israeli politicians and citizens hope this time the results will be different. Says Knesset member Benyamin Elizier, "We are very good at upsetting Palestinians to the point of becoming suicide bombers. In fact, I'd say we're second to no other when it comes to that. But that isn't really helpful. What we need is a way to get them to pop out of existence, and Sharon has figured it out. By utterly humiliating their leader, the Palestinians will become so upset they'll spontaneously combust. Sure, they'll get really, really mad in the interim period and surely we'll incite many more people to violence, making it even easier for jihadist groups like the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades and Hamas to recruit young people for the bombings, but hopefully they'll reach their respective resonant frequencies before they have opportunity to strap on a bomb and kill more Israelis."

In a related story, Ariel Sharon is to attend the gala American Philosopher's Association (APA) later this year. He has been credited for inventing the "Mutually Exclusive Yet Still Inclusive" School of philosophy, through his reasoning that killing Palestinians will eventually lead to peace between Israelis and Palestinians in spite of infuriating them to beyond reason.