The US Congressional Budget Office predicts that a war in Iraq would cost between $9 and $13 billion. "It's a real bargain as wars go," said anonymous defense industry spokesperson, C. Powell. "But it won't be this cheap forever. The government should start the war now to avoid any late season price increases."

Scourges like inflation, the annual Christmas season defense industry price increases, and a new US federal budget - all contribute their share to the rising cost of waging war. Unfortunately, there's no Wal-Mart' for governments wishing to purchase military gear on the cheap. Still, smart buyers can get some real bargains from failed governments around the world at surplus army sales, auctions, or eBay.

"Even at that," says a local military hardware expert, M. Douglas, "There's no cheap way to wage war. At least, if you're intent on winning." But even losing can be expensive. Just ask Russia, Iraq or Iran. All three have lost major battles at high cost.

In the future, if the UN ever gets it's act together, there may be a bulk buying program for nations who want to save a few dollars when buying military equipment. In talks right now, representatives of countries interested in waging wars, but heretofore without the resources to mount one, are looking into affordable means of getting the weaponry necessary to fight winning wars. On the options list are buying clubs, affiliate programs, and discount shopping cards.

Some of the world's biggest military hardware suppliers have expressed guarded interest in helping low income nations. "We like to sell weapons and stuff to anyone who has the cash," said an unnamed high ranking military industrialist, C. Ration. "But we're not in the charity business. Nations needing high grade weaponry must come up with the cash. It's a business to us. Being able to kill someone from miles away costs money - so either they buy it, or someone else buys it. We don't care."

Thus, the UN enters the picture. Plans are underway for the UN to sponsor annual Fall specials where weaponry-challenged nations can come to military equipment expos and buy high grade, barely used, almost working military stuff at cheap Fall prices. "It's our duty to help nations help themselves," says UN spokesperson Skookum Blatherhorn. "Fall is typically a slow season for military equipment sales. By holding weapons expos and offering Fall season military hardware discounts, less wealthy nations can get into the military game without breaking the bank. It's good for them. It's good for everyone. It's the right thing to do."