Citing Saddam Hussein's 100% support via a recent referendum, as compared with the recent collapse of the Dutch government, political scientists have finally proven the advantage of tyranny over representative forms of government. Though theorists have long conceded that people were most happy living under a dictatorship, since most absolute rulers can either speak with (a) god or reinforce their armed citadels with weapons provided by god-on-Earth (the United States), there had long been a discrepancy between what theory predicted, and what had actually ensued in reality.

Says Professor Steven Angel, of the University of South Carolina, "The fact that President Hussein received 100% of all votes cast in the referendum shows the people really respect him. I was surprised to hear that many voters handed in ballots for their entire families, but that's just an indication of the level of support enjoyed by the Iraqi President. In contrast, just today, the Dutch government completely broke down, which of course would never happen in Iraq, since dissenting ministers would simply be fed to hyenas of thrown from palatial minarets. It's about time we had real-world evidence of the superiority of dictatorial regimes. People outside of political theory often think voting and all that mess is the way to go, but if they'd seen some of the better Enlightened Despots of the 17th century they'd be quick to aver the opposite."

A CNN correspondent present during both the referendum in Iraq and the dissolution of the Dutch coalition government, noted several vast differences only possible due to form of government. "Here, in the Netherlands, you have these flimsy coalition governments, like you'd got all over the rest of Europe. They end up uniting strange bedfellows, and the resulting coalition is sometimes strikingly heterogonous. With a dictatorship, like that of Duvalier, Suharto, or Hussein, you don't have these messy problems of appeasing one group or another. You're able to, through use of an iron fist, get right down to the business of looking after your subjects. What we're seeing in Iraq is simply Hussein's reward for being a good leader.

In a related story, the United States Congress has voted for an election procedure overhaul. Senator Christopher Dodd (D-CT) commented on the new legislation. "We've seen the efficacy of the most recent Iraqi referendum, and will do everything in our power to replicate their system. Gone are the days of presidents voted into office by electoral but not popular vote. It's all going to be 100% from now on!"

Senator Dodd was unavailable for further comment at his re-election campaign dinner, as foretold by the "gone drinkin' " sign on his place setting.