Tennis fans and perverts around the world rejoiced as Anna Kournikova missed capturing her first WTA singles championship by a mere 44 points Sunday. Showing her incredible skill by reaching her fourth final in only 115 tournaments, the 21 year old Russian was not quite able to muster the skill needed to win the tournament, although she was able to cause erections in 95% of the men watching the match, which provided some consolation. “I couldn’t hit the ball very well today, although I noticed that the chair official was pitching a tent, so I guess I did OK,” said Kournikova.

Her opponent in the match was an Israeli named Smashmouth or something. Anyway, Kournikova looked amazing today in her blue, white and yellow outfit, strategically cut to reveal tasty peeks of bare, tanned, supple skin beneath.

Kournikova had more to say about her near victory: “I was nervous today, since so many people were watching me. I’m not used to so many people staring at me.” She then began licking the microphone, causing 30 heart attacks in the press room.

Oh yeah, the other chick said some stuff too, but we ran out of room.