Fast food customers across America rejoiced recently as McDonalds released the newest item in their diverse menu selection. The new drink, "The McForty", has been added to the previous beverage menu, consisting primarily of non-alcoholic drinks. "The addition was clear," explained Frank Robertson from McDonalds public relations, "We've always offered malted shakes, why not malt liquor?"

Fast food experts are divided on their opinion of the McForty. Expert Jim McGillis states: "This is a great day for fast food patrons everywhere. Not only can a customer get cheap, low quality food, they can also get cheap, low quality alcohol. I can't think of a better complement to an artery-clogging Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese than a refreshing, waistline-expanding malt beverage."

Health authority Kelly Killington has a different opinion. "There is no place in McDonalds for alcohol! Not even in the Play Place. This evil liquid being sold alongside Happy Meals for children is an outrage! It's bad enough that the food is extremely unhealthy for Americans, but now they're offering a very dangerous beverage. When will it stop?"

Obviously, McDonalds spokesman Jerry Kinler sides with McGillis. "Today is an important step forward for our corporation. Before our customers had only the option of escaping from their problems momentarily by losing themselves in our savory beef patties with special [thousand island salad dressing] sauce, and no one even knows what that's made out of [but again, it's thousand island salad dressing]. Now we give them the option of avoiding any negative issues in their life for hours at a time. All for a low price, especially if they purchase the extra value meal."

Not surprisingly, Burger King has countered with their own malt liquor beverage, the "Burger King Cobra". Fast food chain Jack in The Box plans to push the envelope even further by offering "Crack in a Box" next month.

Further, all the restaurant chains agree, there is no reason these items should be restricted from the drive through windows.