Cancer: (June 22-July 22) - This week, ah yes, this week, right, yer know all about it, don’t yer.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) - A fin' will 'appen in a place wiv a person.

Virgo: (Aug. I'll get out me spoons. 23-Sept. 22) - Take action, don’t, or find a nice middle ground.

Libra: (Sept. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. 23-Oct. 23) - Yer will 'ave foughts that yer should straight up consider this week.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) - Blokes, right, place and fings, do wot guvnor! These are more than just nouns for yer.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Buggers will change. Maybe big fings, right, maybe wee, the bleedin' heavens just ain't in a position ter say.

Capricorn: (Dec. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? 22-Jan. 19) - Yor dependence on vague and obscure advice will 'ave no affect on yer.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - If yer fink yer might know at least part of the chuffin' answer, yer could be partially right.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) - Yer, eh, guv? For yer the bloody stars offer no advice.

Aries: (March 21-April 19) - If yer search for answers yer may find them. If not, eh, right, 'oo cares, right, isit?I mean right.

Taurus: (April. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. 20-May 20) - Over yor mornin' coffee yer will discover the chuffin' meanin' of life only ter be mildly disappointed and promptly dismiss it.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21) - A nice meal may 'elp yer appreciate a nice meal. Probably not fough.

Hammer and tack to Front - Help us survive! Honest guv! - Contact us - Subscription Info - Submissions - Copyright Info - Webmasters