The Modern Ordnance Reinvestment Official Network (MORON) at the Pentagon announced today that its new "smart missiles" are being "withdrawn for more study"; the implication being that the weapons, as one Special Forces Colonel put it: "are just too smart. Cause you know the Military doesn't always like that intelligence, high IQ thing. See?"

Sources at the Pentagon's elite MORON section, said that the new weapons, part of the Bono-Sting-Pop Abdullah series, have a range of only four feet after launching.

The reason? The missile's computer - on firing -works out that violence only breeds more violence, and that all war is futile.

Realizing the utter idiocy of its mission, the computer then directs the missile -either toward the White House, or to a farm where it will spend its final years-grazing and floating happily in the air.

Pentagon sources now insist that in future: the missiles computer intelligence will be geared to that of the average Supreme Court Justice or "a militarist with a background in CIA activity."