Inspectors have examined hundreds of suspected buildings and sites, commenced surprise visits to previously off-limits locations, and even checked Saddam's medicine cabinet. So far, nothing unacceptable but the moustache.

"This is crazy!" said bush to Rumsfeld in a closed door session. "You told me if we did this we could attack. Now they are playing along... what gives?"

Glossy News was able to obtain a full written transcript from the closed door session merely by blackmailing an unnamed White House official, whom we shall simply refer to as Ronald Dumsfeld.

Dumsfeld explains, "... he's got a lot of bombs that are getting old and he's always wanted to be a war hero, ever since Vietnam went he went AWOL in that opium den in the mountains. This is a real shot at redemption for him."

The administrations last ditch effort came in mid December when Bush announced quite literally, "We know your secret but we won't say it unless you say it first." It is hoped that Saddam Hussein will fall for this transparent plot the way president Bush did, but unlike the group of school children on whom he initially tried it out.