Through a series of strategic alliances, AOL members can enjoy a wide array of hotel, motel and destination resort discounts. Sure, you can get the same lame 5% rate discount by flashing your AARP card or mentioning that you think you met somebody once that might have been a Triple-A member, but AOL membership also offers these fine additional benefits:
Free dial-up internet access, and at 39.9kb speed to boot!
Complimentary 'in-room' color television.
Every toilet sanitized for your protection by certified toilet sanitization specialists.
Three free condoms for the guys and a special odor control pack for the gals.
Exclusive 'Surround Sound' walls at select resorts. Why get stuck purchasing costly pay-per-view adult films when you can listen to hot, live action in one or more of the adjacent rooms?
Free AOL 9.1 CD in every bible.
Every time you register at an affiliated hotel your name is entered into a special "Be the next total loser that can't navigate the Internet without AOL" TV commercial drawing. YOU could very well be our next TV star!
Discounts on select, local area attractions and whores.
Complimentary Captains Wafers.
Spam printed out in full-color and delivered to your doorstep every morning... it's like you just logged on!
Have your credit card handy and book your exciting destination accommodations today.
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