According to a recent survey undertaken by the government’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money the British youth of the 21st Century are possessed by a plethora of misconceptions concerning Germany, World War Two, the Nazi party and the Holohoax.
A full ten out of ten teenagers (boys, girls and budding transvestites) surveyed unanimously agreed that Adolf Hitler – the only man to ever look good sat in the back seat of a convertible – was the German national soccer team coach that beat Poland and the rest of Europe in the playoffs for a place in the 1939 World Cup final against England.
Nine out of ten believed the ‘Nazi Party’ was a typical annual German cultural celebration akin to the beer-swilling Oktoberfest where everyone got drunk on Bitch Beater lager, chewed pig’s knuckles – and wore lederhosen and black shirts emblazoned with deaths heads, runic lightning flashes and ass-about-face swastikas.
85% of yobs, chavs and scallies attending the Waggits Truancy Centre in Kuntsford were in agreeance that Nazi war criminal and Gestapo chief Klaus Barbie (Butcher of Lyons) was Barbie Doll’s Uncle who ran a delicatessen in the French city and employed Ken as a delivery boy.
78% of the teenage pupils surveyed at St. Sodom College for Latter Day Pederasts thought Auschwitz was a Polish WW2 theme park and Bergen-Belsen – in Lower Saxony – famous for its triple-S bend Formula One race track.
The equivalent of 90,000 youngsters wrongly identified Stalingrad as a octane-boosted hard liquor drink and 45,000 mistook it for a type of bread – with 37,000 believing it was a country bordering Germany.
85% of pupils at Smegmadale’s prestigious Asbo Central High who gained passes in O-level GCSE English Literature reckoned the term ‘SS’ was an acronym and referred to the German translation of Enid Blyton’s ‘Secret Seven’ children’s stories.
95% interviewed insisted D-Day stood for ‘Dooms-Day’ – when the Japanese dropped the first atomic bomb on Pearl Harbour – and the Blitz was a huge clean-up operation across Europe following the end of the Second World War – with the Holocaust being either a Jewish religious festival or a Hebrew word for the celebration of the signing of the Armistice and Germany’s capitulation to the Allied forces.
98% of those questioned could not identify Adolf Hitler from a photograph, with the majority mistaking famous figures like Henry Kissinger, Salvador Dali and Albert Einstein for the German dictator.
The survey also discovered that 65% of youngsters did not know what phrase ‘The Final Solution’ meant, with one group of students claiming it was the peace talks held to end the war – with another group – of boys – believing it was the stuff you rubbed on a car’s body after T-cutting the paintwork – and a group of girls being adamant that it was what your rinsed your hair with after applying a perm’.
A parallel survey conducted by the Jewish war veterans’ charity ‘Foreskins’ questioned 2,000 children aged nine to sixteen and reached the conclusion that kids know sweet FA about the 20th Century’s two world wars or human history in general.
The study of the 2,000 pupils – which tested them on their knowledge of facts of both world wars – found that 40% of them did not know that Remembrance Day falls on November 11th and 90% believed it was like Mother’s Day but you gave her poppies instead of roses or an Easter egg.
100% of another survey group were unanimous that Hitler acted as the ‘right hand of God’ in persecuting the Jews as revenge for them nailing His one begotten son (that bloke Jesus) to two big pieces of wood.
Conversely the entire survey group was divided on opinion as to whom was responsible for drawing up the WW1 Versailles Treaty – the U2 frontman and super-clot fraud Bono – or the ex-Boomtown Twats lead singer Sir Blob Geldork.