The newest Jihadists have been instructed in a rare, word-of-mouth Al Qaeda fatwa to begin learning the most important teaching of their future suicidehood — that of preparing themselves for their final reward, the 70 black-eyed virgins. So-called “fighters” are being told to marry the widows of those who have fallen before them. They need to prepare physically for the arduous task after their suicides, how to keep 70 virgins happy in the afterlife. Read the full story

Two hundred gold-digging Italian slappers bit off more than they could chew last Sunday night after answering a recruitment ad’ to attend a posh wine and dine shagfest do in the salubrious and elegant suburbs of exotic Rome.

However canapés and cocktails were definitely not on the strict Muslim menu and the legion of sun-tanned buxom young beauties found themselves being sermonised to convert to Islam, with a greater percentage going into knicker-pissing shit scared mode when they thought they were going to end up getting white-slaved into some Arabian harem as three-hole suck and swallow sluts for the rest of their natural born days. Read the full story