Tag Archive | "toddlers"

Weeks after Toddler Exile Fiasco, John Lewis Internal Dissident Mysteriously Disappeared… Um, ‘Disappears!’


Notable socialite-apologist silk-peddler syndicate John Lewis has recently got into trouble for its new policy of systematically exiling toddlers and other vicious and unpredictable terrorists and master criminals:

But since this recent dastardly scheme started to unfold a few weeks back, some few brave internal dissidents have dared to play the aching predictable and mundanely tedious role of a tinpot Nicky Bukharin.

One irritatingly vainglorious John Lewis libertarian traitor rants:

Look, I know where the Supreme Leader is coming from on this one, and I’m not gonna be the one to challenge his unimpeachable wisdom. But, just think about it!

I mean, I know these evil toddlers are unscrupulous and evil and wicked and just plain barbaric, but don’t you understand that viciously hammering down on these vile people is precisely what they want? We’re just playing into their hands by disrupting our customary cozy, complacent, petit-bourgeois Surrey UKIP retiree way of life! But isn’t that precisely what these wicked bastards WANT us to do?! Read the full story

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New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It


I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee.

Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage of competitors for the top prize. As a parent, I’m disgusted, but for $800,000 I have to admit I’d consider it.

An email response from the mayor of Elmont, New York, where the race is being held, was as shameless as it was tone deaf. Read the full story

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