Tag Archive | "sport"

Rio 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries


The international community is trying to come to terms with the shock revelation that some countries with which other nations have links simply do not exist.

Two hundred and seven countries were represented at the opening ceremony of Rio 2016, and it is now clear that at least eight had been invented. Read the full story

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Glossy News Soccer, um, Football Round-up (2/2)


Football Legend

Self-styled, very much self-stylish, and scandalously glossy-cape-porting Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has made thinking about football, dreaming about football, or otherwise being remotely aware of the historical existence of football, an unforgivable and inexcusable hate crime against The Greater Good.

Back of the Old Onion Swag

And on a completely unrelated note to the latter tyrannical and highly bureaucratic measure, the UK Government have passed a new benevolently-Tory-paternalistic motion. Read the full story

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Glossy News Soccer, um, Football Round-up (1/2)


The new season has already started over here, so time to take a more politically-conscious eye at the footballing world. Read the full story

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London Forgets Sports


A recent survey has shown that the people of London have forgotten what sport is, now that the Olympics are over.

In a poll, conducted by the British Sports Council, participants were asked simple questions such as “What is basket ball?” or shown a ball and asked what it was.

29% of people thought that a football ball was a new Japanese melon, while 35% believed it was a special seat to relive stress on your back while working in an office. Read the full story

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Paralympians Are People Too


Thanks to the Paralympics, disabled people are now being viewed as actual people, according to the worldwide media.

In hopes to change attitudes towards those with disabilities, the IOC, the International Olympic Committee, have decided to hold the Paralympics in London.

The head of the IOC, Count Jacques Rogge, said at a press conference that the Paralympics were being held to show that the disabled can do things that people could. Read the full story

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Six Significant Sporting Bans for Lance Armstrong


Now that Lance Armstrong has been officially banned from “Sport” for life by the USADA, Glossynews with the help of WikiLeaks has uncovered associated bans in the fine print.

While Armstrong still maintains the USADA power to enforce the ban is as illegitimate as Snooki’s baby, he vows to cease resistance since it is obviously futile. Read the full story

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