Tag Archive | "sochi"

I was snubbed by the U.S. Olympic Ski Team


Dear U.S. Olympic Ski Team:

Congratulations on an outstanding Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. And hey, that 18 year-old Mikaela Shiffrin was impressive on the giant slalom. Well done.

I just have one minor complaint to register: Why did you leave me off the team? I contacted you last summer, telling you I wanted to try out for the men’s freestyle aerials or half pipe or any alpine event you guys thought might attract babes. Read the full story

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IOC Officials Admit Curling Event Added To Be More Inclusive


In a stunning admission the International Olympic Committee issued a statement today confirming Curling was added to be more inclusive to non-athletes.

The IOC had come under fire for its wall-to-wall coverage of this years Curling competition, many times at the expense of more popular sports such as hockey and downhill skiing. The move elicited a collective WHAT THE FUCK from much of the civilized sporting world.

The statement read “For decades the Olympics has been criticized for not being more inclusive of non-athletes. Read the full story

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Vladimir Putin Wins First Gold Medal of the Olympics


Russian President Vladimir Putin, well-known around the world for his affinity for winning at all costs, won the very first gold medal of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, for Mother Russia.

Putin had originally planned to sit the Olympics out, but when he saw that his fellow Russians weren’t doing well in one competition, the one-man luge, ice dance, snowball shot put triathlon, he decided to declare himself a team member, grabbed a Snickers bar, and handily won the event. Read the full story

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Sober Russians Pose Security Threat At Sochi


Each week the Russian military, secret police and Sochi security authorities receive dozens of homemade videos made by ethnic Russians threatening terrorist attacks on innocent civilians at the Sochi Olympics.

Almost all are dismissed as the drunken rankings of misfits, homosexuals or comsymps.

However,in mid December they received a video from two Chechnyans taking credit for the terrorist bombing at a train station in Volgograd that killed 34 people. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Sports EventsComments (1)

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