Jonas Brothers fans in Anchorage, Alaska have finally gotten their wish. The Jonas Brothers are tentatively scheduled to perform at MaS! (Make-a-Scene) sometime in late June or early July, 2010. A firm date hasn’t been set. What is unusual about this concert is that former Alaskan Governor, Sarah Palin, will be the opening act, speaking for 45 minutes before the Jonas Brothers take the stage.

It’s not clear what Palin will speak about but it is widely known that the former governor has said more than once that she wished Bristol and Joe Jonas had found each other before Bristol decided to take off her purity ring and give herself to Levi Johnston. “Things sure woulda been different. Cantcha just imagine Joe Jonas as a first son of America?” she wistfully remarked.

Tickets go on sale Monday.

BREAKING NEWS – Fox News has taken the plunge(errr) and has hired Sarah Palin as a contributor to take on some of the most controversial issues of our time, including climate change. Satirists and comedians were said to be partying into the wee hours of the night in anticipation of “the perfect storm,” i.e. Palin, Fox News and climate change coming together all in one place, and none can wait for Sarah’s opening performance.

So what makes Sarah such an expert on say, climate change, you ask? Ok stay with me on this one. In case you haven’t heard, she is from Wasilla, Alaska and of course, dontacha know that you can see Russia from her house. Read the full story

Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.” Read the full story

Sarah Palin’s book Going Rogue has been pulled from the shelves due to a large misprint error. The intended, more appropriate title was supposed to be Going With Rouge. Word was sent out by the publishing house to those already possessing copies to just use lipstick to cross out the wrong title and write in the accurate one. This announcement was met with derisive remarks by some reporters making snide comments about ‘lipstick on a pig.’

As an interesting side note, the publisher made the book out of bleached seal guts and bound it in whale hide to give it a ‘true Alaskan flavor.’ Black market copies with the original nude photos in them can be found on the internet and are making a bundle.

Following the heels of her famous mother, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin has reportedly been offered a Jr. Political Correspondent position at Fox News for an undisclosed salary.

Fox News would not confirm or deny the news, but instead offered this statement, “until we can confirm or deny this news, we cannot confirm or deny that Bristol Palin will be joining our news team as a Jr. Political Correspondent for the sole purpose of reporting on her mother, Sarah Palin’s, unconfirmed run for President in 2012.”

Following a blitzkrieg pre-dawn raid on her rural Anchorage six bedroom igloo, involving ice picks, hot air guns and a flamethrower, a Homeland Security strike force this morning arrested failed Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin on charges of subversion, domestic terrorism and several other acts of improbity and general wickedness – including sorcery – listed in the very small print of the Patriot Act.

While accurate details of her whereabouts are still unconfirmed at this time, Read the full story

Let’s refocus here, people. Just because a couple of wingnuts crashed a party in Washington, and some athlete, who shall remain nameless, crashed his pretty car and admitted to a few indiscretions; or, just because our President kinda let us think he was gonna do something really brave and order the withdrawal of troops from an unwinnable war but instead decided, what the hell, let’s give it one more go on the taxpayer’s dime. Let’s not lose sight of the really important news that went from front page to page 9 a little too quickly–Sarah Palin’s bogus bus tour. Read the full story

Hey Hank,

It’s become a toss-up for me here and thought you could help out, if you want…
I am and have been an atheist for most of my life. I just can’t get into the whole swoony churchy thing.

But, I have become a rather confirmed political convert and want to get a job in the next political campaign.
I lean quite heavily to the right, so I need to know which church group would be the best for me to join up with –Mormon, Catholic, Baptist, Presbyterian? Are there others? Read the full story

HarperCollins has recalled all copies of Sarah Palin’s Book, “Going Rogue” and has agreed to refund the purchase price to anyone who wants it. According to a late-breaking press release, the title of the book is missing an extra word and no one caught it until now. The correct title of the book is “Going Rogue Hunting.”

A spokesperson for HarperCollins has indicated that this is one of the largest recalls ever in the publishing industry and agrees that “sometimes, just one misplaced or omitted word can really make a difference.”

HarperCollins expects to have corrected copies of the book ready for distribution within the next two weeks, and is offering an additional incentive to book owners to return the defective copies by offering a second book free, Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.”

If you will be kind enough to indulge me, I would like to propose a toast: Here’s to Sarah Palin; may she never – ever – go away.

I am going to go out on a limb here: No woman since Eleanor Roosevelt has done more to further the cause of progressive politics in the United States of America than has our Sarah. Read the full story

New York, NY: Legions of former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, supporters reacted with disappointment with her new tell all book, “Going Rogue,” according to national opinion polls. The poll of approximately 5,000 self identified conservatives showed that while 52% “enjoyed the book,” and “agreed with its message and goals for America.” However, a whopping 87% expressed “disappointment” in that “the book failed to deliver what they expected to see.” Read the full story

Whiskey Creek, VA – Small independently-owned doll manufacturer, Patriate Pride, has announced a new line of dolls fashioned after the ideals of two of today’s most controversial conservative figures, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. In fact, the “Michele” doll and the “Sarah” doll will be the cornerstones of the new series, “Pretty Pride.” Read the full story

Russian Porch, AK “Palin-out” —n., the act of leaving before 2009 is over. Todd Palin quit his job with BP’s North Slope oil operation at the beginning of October. News of this quitting comes two months after Sarah Palin’s announcement that she quit her state governor job on July 26. These news items followed the sad news that 54% of the country registered a “big quit” over her and John McCain’s campaign for taking over the White House from G. W. Bush & Co. Read the full story

ALBANY, NY — Professional Political Campaigner and Alaska’s Former Republican Governor Sarah Palin stacked up yet another pre-election win today against Less Formidable Republican Campaigner and Georgia’s Newt Gingrich in a state House seat battle where neither opponent resides — New York.

Palin campaign spokesperson Meg Stapleton’s spokesperson played Stapleton’s taped press statement of Palin’s hand-written statement. Read the full story